Sugar!

Lately I started meditating more often and regularly, every day that I can is a day of at least one hour of meditation. It really does the work, which is nice to experience but I still notice I have a lot of work in becoming what I know I can be.

Over the last few days, I started to notice a craving for sugar. As some of you might know, my nutritional habits don’t include sugar most of the time, and so, this craving feels strange. For the first time I can feel the craving appearing inside my body and at the same time, mostly because of the meditation and excess alone time, the thought (or need actually) behind it that wants to avoid something inside that I don’t want to feel, as if the sugar intake is to compensate for the thing I wish to run away from, the emotion.

It all makes sense now, I’ve heard people talk about how much sugar is bad for your body and how we can easily live better without it but that feeling of trying to run away from something inside yourself by eating sugar is, for me, the missing link. Actually, a good friend of mine made the connection a few weeks ago, and it was a very well-placed thought, but until I experienced it for myself, the entire realization of the concept, it was still just another concept I grasped only intellectually. Initially I went: “Naa, I don’t do that!”. BUT I DO! I do try to run away from something by eating sugar, I do self medicate with substances to avoid confronting the itch that I feel in my body, that unease, the one that isn’t satisfied with something I think or do.

The understanding of sugar addicted people came with that, and the inner cry for all the self-induced “natural” pain-numbing medications we take on regular basis to silence the real need we feel, our soul’s need of something, it’s trying to tell us that we already know something is wrong, something isn’t in place and it wants to change it.

But we keep running in the other direction, don’t we?!

Apparently mine is to create, because as I write these lines the need for sugar is lessened, I feel more fulfilled and in the right place, and every time I run away from creating I feel the same way. It creeps out on me, bit by bit, until I find myself restocking on sugar, which is kinda funny though, because when I do already create for several hours straight I feel the need for sugar as well, although, it comes from a different source entirely, this time it’s the brain, asking for more fuel before it melts down 😀

I hope not to self-medicate on sugar ever again, though I know every day is a new one and I need to forgive myself if I do. Not an easy habit to stop for sure, after so many years of doing it. One day at a time…

Thank you for reading.